Thursday, September 3, 2009

My Tattered Life

People that are new to my blog are going to wondering what all these decorating stuff is. Well, I am refurbisher (if that's a word) of sorts. A few years ago I found out I had Fibro. It is a challenge everyday. I realize after having this blog for 6 months that I want to write about my life. Home decor is an aspect of my life, but it is not all of it.

I'm a wife to a great husband. Married 18 years. I have a beautiful son that we adopted almost 7 years ago. Who just started 1st grade and I didn't think I could make it through the day without him. Our son is a beautiful brown and we are white parents raising him. There are issues that come on occasion about this. I've noticed lately that Grady gets a lot "Oh, tha's your mom? Why is she white and you are brown?" In my heart I cringe for him. Having to explain his family identity over and over again. I can tell it can be hard on him at times. Sometimes as an adoptive Mom I wonder am a doing enough for him? I know I can't know what it like to be African American.

The one thing I do know is God changed my life when Fibro came into my life. For the first year I relied on him completely. Not me controlling it. Oh not that I didn't want too! You see I had no control over it. I realized that the control I have in life is all but an illusion. I think it makes me feel better to think I have control over something even when I don't.

It is such invisible disease. No one can see it which there are moments that I think jeez I like for one moment to look like I feel. At times when people say oh you look great. I want to say back "I know how to apply make up." I actually have said that a few times. It doesn't go over that well. I've gained about 40lbs since this all started, I'm stiff and sore. Tired like I've never been before. People really don't want a list of ailments either. They start to get the glazed over look at number 3. I really wanted you to say your fine. Fine isn't in my vocabulary anymore. I have to remind myself on tough days God is in control. It's better that He is in control than I. I have tendency to screw things up.

You know God is a refurbisher too. He takes us and makes us new. I think I'd better just stop there!

1 comment:

  1. It certainly does help to remember that God is ALWAYS in control -- you're right that He does a much better job of it anyway. And it's funny you should say He a refurbisher. On Sunday I did a post about just that. I've begun speaking for women's groups and talk about that, but mostly about junk in general. So sorry to hear about your struggles with fibro -- I will be praying for you. Meanwhile I hope your son continues to bring such joy into your life. I know what it's like to be adopted, as I am myself. But I'm a really white child of really white parents. I know your situation brings a whole new set of issues. However, I DO have many friends who've adopted from many different races, nations, etc. and hope that you know you're not alone in your concerns. Take care.